Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
