the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
