when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
