Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
