i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
