Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
