we were pretty classy up until the second keg
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
