I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
