I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
