We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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