I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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