I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
