he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
