I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
