I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Please don't give away my fajitas
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
