Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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