just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
