i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I am midnight drunk by noon
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
