no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
