i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
