I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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