Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
