You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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