My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
