I heard we made out
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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