If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
