You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
