he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
