tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
