I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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