I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
