He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
All I want is dick and wine.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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