So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
