I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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