Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
