Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
