You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
