After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
