great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
