That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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