I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
