I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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