Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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