She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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