i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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