and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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