You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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