Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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