I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
