on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
