his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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