i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
