McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
