The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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