it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
